In my generation, there is common rhetoric concerning the supposedly closing gender gap. On the contrary, women are faced with even greater responsibilities as they often pick up “double” or even “triple” duty when it comes to balancing both responsibilities of the home and career. Sometimes, the career will be given up in order to provide better care for the family, but sometimes, the family ideal/concept is given up to pursue the career. We’re told that we can have it all, but is this a realistic pursuit?
The ultimate decision to leave for Europe for 7 months has left me to question this. No matter how the circumstances may fight for my conviction to go, I’m still going. It makes me wonder if this decision has set a precedence for my future decisions, that regardless of personal feelings and desire that I will pursue my career, the bigger picture. And in doing so, will this render me bitter with the lack of a sustainable personal life? I’m leaving something amazing behind. Even though I know that this will eventual leave me if I don’t leave first still leaves me so down. I’m leaving contentment behind. Those quiet moments of just being there, comfortable silence punctuated by the occasional affectionate exchange or poke to instigate a twitch and chuckle. Whenever I close my eyes and realize that my time here is drawing a close just…hurts. So immensely. Yet, I’m still going. Walking away from it all. I envision myself stopping at the airport and resolving not to go…but then my realistic self kicks in and I know I will walk on through those gates and leave it all behind. After I do, there is no going back. So much will change in time.