Loneliness is a human condition

I haven’t really unpacked anything like a quote or whatever since I finished my last English course at university. Sure there was the occasional rant during dinner conversations or the occasional muttering that may cause others to consider me to be a bit mad (which is alright I suppose…aren’t all (aspiring in this case) geniuses a bit mad or considered mad anyways?)
I suppose this quote could be read in a number of ways. As I’ve returned from the sunny Andalusian region of Spain to the cloudy, cold weather of Belgium and having ended my short lived relationship with a person of interest, I suppose the loneliness is more profound than ever before due to the relativity of the situation. Question here is, is man the only creature that can feel loneliness? Do we feel it at a level that only man can feel? Sure, animals may feel lonely, but is it more of an issue of survival rather than “feeling”? For myself, loneliness is a feeling that causes me make decisions that may not be so smart in the long run, for example, pursuing short term relationships. My friend once asked me what were the points of these relationships, especially ones with people with whom I knew would not last or be pursued for a long duration if the situation allowed for it. Even though one knows that such is the case, I believe that man pursues these things just to feel again. Mm, I suppose that didn’t make much sense. Short term relationships or something in pursuit of human relations is a substitute for that alleviation from loneliness. Anything to cure this condition, whether it be only a short term cure. My last ‘relationship’, if you can even call it that for its extremely short life, was with a person who cared about me and treated me extremely well. However, things ended because I/we realized how different certain fundamentals of our beings were and if things were to continue, then we would end up loathing each other for those differences that made who we were. Yet I find myself contemplating whether or not it was the most opportune decision to make. There’s no question that this was the right decision to make but having someone there when one feels alone is something hard to part with…and has left me wondering if I should have done what I did. With the instability in my life, well I suppose more flux than instability, I feel isolated from establishing close relationships. The ones I have are constantly being tested by the time I spend away from these people.
Furthermore, as a Christian, we are told that we will be sitting on the fence, an entity in the world but not of the world. An uncomfortable position to be in and I believe part of my loneliness stems from this position. I embrace it but at the same time, occasionally resent it. Sitting on the fence is something I think I’ve done rather well thus far in my life, between my different cultures in attempts to define who I am as a person, between my professional and personal life (though..this is something I constantly question), etc. One of my friends told me something had been different about me when he met me; his cousin told him (upon meeting me) that I was probably a Christian. On one hand, that’s what I want, to stand out or be different because of my beliefs, but in a way that is not imposing but rather invokes questions. On the other, I feel isolated because of this. This part of me something I cannot share fully and have it understood by many of the friends I make; this is further exacerbated by the fact that I don’t have a cell group here…or actually, any sort of church family. I cried when I went to Hillsong London because I hadn’t been surrounded by this awesomeness…to share this awesomeness with people who understood.
However, my beliefs give me a foundation of contentment…I know I’m not really alone because He is everywhere with me, wherever I go. Just sometimes I forget.


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