I have decided to take a BFP or ‘Boy Free Period’. Shock? Maybeeee. I can’t honestly remember the last time I wasn’t emotionally involved/invested in some guy and well, that’s a problem for me. With all the time I spent trying to figure out my relationship/potential for a ‘relationship’ with Guy X, I haven’t really looked at Me and the different aspects of Me, including the not so awesome attributes that needed working on. We often use different things in life to distract ourselves away the things that require a greater amount of thought and energy to investigate and potentially rectify. For me, these ‘things’ also represent the darker side of myself that I don’t like to face but I don’t, how can I grow and be ‘right’ with myself and God? So this past Sunday, I closed all the loose ends with the nonplatonic men in my life. Oddly enough, the last of this group was facing ‘issues’ and had to deal with him and himself; of course I was a bit hurt but to be honest, I understood where he was coming from. Kudos to him for standing up and saying that instead of trying to figure something out with someone AND figure out the issues in his life. If I am honest with myself, I have traveled, climbed and dated so I didn’t have to face the cracks in my person; however, I can see how those cracks are just getting bigger and sometimes overwhelming the better parts of who I am. Part of the reason why I’ve shied away from my cell family is because I know that they would candidly tell me what I didn’t want to but needed to hear. I went last night and it was honestly fantastic. I do feel like I’ve changed a lot and perhaps, have even (finally) grown out of that particular cell. But it doesn’t change the fact of how important your community is; my community consists of a few people that are all geographically in different places which makes it a bit difficult but they’re still my ‘home’.
With the support of my home and God, I hope to take the following time to tackle those hard questions I’ve been avoiding. What are my passions? What do I want to achieve? Where does God really want me to go and want me to do? Who do I want to journey with? Etc.
Wish me luck!