Letting go has been a continual process for me. There was progress, but it was very slow progress. A huge part of me resented the fact that I was vulnerable and weak in this regard, that I couldn’t just flip a switch and get over it; however, another part of me was resigned to the fact that to really digest and get over this ‘thing’ properly (versus finding a rebound as I used to be prone to do), a process was necessary. I was very scared that there would always be some part of me that clinged on, that couldn’t let go, that would always be hoping.
Last Sunday, I was at church, listening to a sermon on idolatry. Internally, I scoffed at the message, thinking that it was just another redundant sermon about idol worship and putting things before God, blah blah. But then it hit me: had I idolized him/significant other? Shit me, I had. Not so much in the imagery of pedestal bowing and such, but I was chasing this person, this idea and in chasing this particular thing, chasing God became secondary. I was blown away and ashamed. To put this metaphorically, despite the fact that the door was closed on this particular path, I was still looking for a way to open it, examining the door for weak points, trying to pick the lock, undo the hinges. And because I was so focused on this, I was failing to see God waiting to lead me down the path He had laid out for me.
Upon this realization, my heart change direction and my despair became obsolete. There is no one and nothing more worthy than chasing Him. Although we often hear that God is waiting for us to turn back to Him, we too must also seek him. This is made clear (evidence). I may glance back every now and then, but my feet and aspirations are moving forward. ..Alrighttttt 😀