I know it’s unprecedented for me write to write two blog posts in less than 24 hours; there’s usually a three to four week break in between blog posts but this one has kind of slapped me in the face.
The bestie sent me an article on the eight principles girls should know for (Christian) dating (note to the boys..there’s an equivalent article for you guys too; recommended read). As mentioned before, this concept of Christian dating is fairly new to me and I have yet to successfully navigate through it. Of course, I’ve learnt a lot from the most recent experience which did not work out..I wouldn’t call it a failure per se as I have and am continuing to learn a great deal of my faith through it. The article itself is relatively simple but quite profound. Each item that is listed is something that I struggle with applying; some are easier than others though.
Patience is not listed as a single item on this list but I believe the principle itself is present in the entire article. As I have alluded to and explicitly written about before, patience in this area of my life is extremely weak and is something that I am constantly working on. However, like everything in my life, everything has a time and place for it to work to its best ability. I feel like my eyes have been opened and I am just seeing how this deceptively simple concept is at play. Something as simple as deciding to take the bus back home instead of taking my bike and meeting a woman that needed to feel hope in her life again and to have a complete random stranger take interest in her struggles. All this is orchestrated by God not because He needs us to do it but because it brings Him joy to see us do His work, brings the receiver joy and in this case, perhaps a renewed hope and brings true joy to the deliverer because you are fulfilling the purpose God has set out for you. I believe that something as simple as answering a ‘prompt’ from God is part of fulfilling one’s purpose.
Anyways, off track a bit. I have pursued things that are subpar to what God has set out for me in the relationship department or I have pressed the fast forward button because I’m afraid that I will lose something if I don’t (but awkwardly enough..contribute to my own demise. Poo). Yet as I continue on my way, I can see why things didn’t work out with D (in this case). Truly, if we had decided to continued to date, I wouldn’t have been as gung ho about establishing the relationships with relatively new group of good friends but instead would be focused on developing my new relationship with him. Since we share this group of good friends, if we were dating now, then they would mainly know me as someone in a couple not necessarily who I am as an individual. I’m not saying that you lose your individuality when you’re with someone but I think that perhaps you are viewed a wee bit differently.
Submission is the second of the big two struggles I have when it comes to relationships; this does not just apply to romantic relationships but to my relationships with people in general especially those close to me. My inability to do so is not so much a reflection of this inability to submit but rather why I find it extremely difficult to do so. Something happened today in conjunction with a short but always meaningful conversation with the bestie really made me think of my inability or rather, my refusal to submit. This afternoon, my friend ripped the bottom of her flour bag and we decided that we could seal the hole with duck tape. As I move to ripe the first strip, I see D’s hands moving in to help me rip. Instead of just ripping the tape, I snapped at him and basically told him to shove off and that I was perfectly capable of doing it. After telling the bestie about it, I realized how rude I was. I can only think of how exasperated this could’ve been if we were dating since he is predisposed to help…preemptively which would go oh so well with my refusal to ask for or even receive help when offered.
I know exactly why I have problems submitting and/or receiving. It is pride and insecurity, the primary sources of most things that have gone awry in my life. My mother has called me out on it..you know it’s bad when your own mother gives you the stink eye over something. I know that the offer of help is not a reflection that the one who offers help believes that I am incapable of doing something yet I fear that this is the perception of that I will cultivate and that I will appear weak. But guess what? We are weak. We don’t have it all figured out and never will; that’s one of the reasons why we have God in our lives, that God works through those who are weak because they are down on their knees that they know that they are limited in their abilities and are willing to lay it all down for His help because it is the ultimate help. However, if we believe that we can do it all ourselves even when we can’t, our pride builds a wall and does not allow anyone even the Almighty God to help us. Instead, we stumble our way through the challenges in our lives and endure suffering before we come to this realization and at that point, wonder why we didn’t submit before. I know that man that God has set out for me has a serving heart and that he loves to help people; will I let him do the same for me?
Queries, Concerns and Rants of a Wannabe Writer 